Belch’s Beer Review: 6% Soda Water

For this review I was going to try to be relevant. I was going to be hip and trendy and review a beer that, as a bartender myself, everybody had been asking me about. The one beer I had been continually asked about over and over again was Bud Light Platinum, and time and time again I had to turn down the nice patrons at my bar, until today. The first blue bottles were stocked and ready to go when I got to work and had maybe fifteen orders throughout the day. Needless to say I was more than a little intrigued.

Now before I begin my official review of this beer I’d like to point out that Bud Light and light American-style lagers aren’t really my style. Though the occasional Coors Light or Corona have a great place among the after-softball crowd, I need a little more out of a beer as far as flavor go. That being said, I was actually very excited to try a beer with so much to be said about itself. Higher alcohol content? Yes please. Superior taste? Anything has to be better than the normal stuff. Pretty blue bottle? Eh, who cares. All right let’s open it up and see what all the fuss is about.

Red Sox fans out there do you remember the feeling when Crawford dropped the fly ball out in left field? Remember a few minutes later when the Rays’ Evan Longoria cranked one over the left field wall? Yeah well those feeling dwarf in comparison to the disappointment in this horrible beer. It would be the equivalent of what I can only imagine the Yankees felt in the famous ALCS, being up 3-0 and losing. The color of the beer is lame. An extreme clear beer you can just tell that you regret opening. It’s no wonder they made the bottle blue, any other color and your dislike of the beer would have started before opening. Platinum sits in the glass bored and lazy, “Either drink me or get rid of me, but I’m tired of being in this glass.” Before I even tasted it i was mad at it.

Bud Light Platinum isn’t just carbonated, it’s horribly over-carbonated. It hit my tongue hard and completely uncomfortably. Ladies its like that guy in the club that tried to grind all over you, and all you want to do is kick him in the jeans. The excess bubble situation didn’t help the fact that it had NO TASTE! And now when i say no taste i mean the beer was soda water. SODA WATER PEOPLE! I don’t think I’ve ever been more ticked off by a beer’s taste. In the end i guess the only redeeming factor was that it has 6% alcohol. But compared to Bud Light’s 4.2% its really not even that big of a difference.

Pittsburgh fans, are you tired of seeing Sidney Crosby skate around and then never return to the line-up? Chicago fans, do you think you’ll ever win the World Series again? Los Angeles sports fans, do you remember how uncomfortable that whole Shaq and Kobe thing was? New York sports fans… well truthfully you have nothing to complain about because you’re so darn spoiled and you are the reason I drink. This is what this beer is like, it’s going to piss you off and leaving you wanting something different. Anything different. In fact Bud Light Platinum is the greatest wing man to other beers, because all you’re going to want is the one next to it. My conclusion? Not that it matters much because people are going to buy it anyways, but if you were to ask me DO NOT BUY THIS BEER. Do not let your friends buy this beer. If you are at a house party and they have this beer, leave! Honestly one of the worst beers I’ve ever tasted, and now I need a shot….

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